I was 9 - There was a book - I think on art, in the school library, that I would steale away from the playground to look at. My favourite picture was of the Devil, coming out of a hole in the earth, near a grassy knoll, where a naked woman was sleeping. It seemed so serene. I became aware of death when my Dog died. Maybe that was the trigger. Attempted, many times, to preserve a dead Hawk. 10/12 - I knew, very well, that I could stand up for myself and under-Dogs, when threatened by spiteful control freaks. Mentally, verbally, ....and physically as my father taught me self-defense. "Played" seances. A misanthrope. 13 - I read the Exorcist and proclaimed to my parents that it would be great to be possessed. All the while, never quite fitting in anywhere. 25 - (better late than never:) At a night-club, I realised the incredible effect heavy black clothing can have on other people. I was alone and not one guy came up to me. I'd solved the problem of fools pinching me on the bum etc. I wasn't a bad sort and it happened a lot - it irked me and I didn't like having to grab them by the shirt, (buttons popping) and tell them their fortune. My house is filled with vases of feathers, furs and leathers, the freezer is half full of small dead bodies, there are shelves with skulls, knives, whole wings and tails and a pair of gold Goshawk legs that I guilded myself. I do appreciate The Nine Satanic Statements but I can't/won't be a true Satanist because I don't believe in a god. Rituals and mythology (all the which god governs what) doesn't cut to the chase enough for me. To name but a few. So...........what's your earliest memory of your dark side? How did it evolve?
I was 9 - There was a book - I think on art, in the school library, that I would steale away from the playground to look at. My favourite picture was of the Devil, coming out of a hole in the earth, near a grassy knoll, where a naked woman was sleeping. It seemed so serene. I became aware of death when my Dog died. Maybe that was the trigger. Attempted, many times, to preserve a dead Hawk. 10/12 - I knew, very well, that I could stand up for myself and under-Dogs, when threatened by spiteful control freaks. Mentally, verbally, ....and physically as my father taught me self-defense. "Played" seances. A misanthrope. 13 - I read the Exorcist and proclaimed to my parents that it would be great to be possessed. All the while, never quite fitting in anywhere. 25 - (better late than never:) At a night-club, I realised the incredible effect heavy black clothing can have on other people. I was alone and not one guy came up to me. I'd solved the problem of fools pinching me on the bum etc. I wasn't a bad sort and it happened a lot - it irked me and I didn't like having to grab them by the shirt, (buttons popping) and tell them their fortune. My house is filled with vases of feathers, furs and leathers, the freezer is half full of small dead bodies, there are shelves with skulls, knives, whole wings and tails and a pair of gold Goshawk legs that I guilded myself. I do appreciate The Nine Satanic Statements but I can't/won't be a true Satanist because I don't believe in a god. Rituals and mythology (all the which god governs what) doesn't cut to the chase enough for me. To name but a few. So...........what's your earliest memory of your dark side? How did it evolve?
My father always listen to rammstein and ac/dc and that kind of music.. and i always like the story of withches en trolls andyeah when i was 9 i went listening to metal and i really liked it :3 always jump around :P now my father is a old weird man who is listen to stupid old music -__-'
Btw sorry for my bad english im dutch :P
My father always listen to rammstein and ac/dc and that kind of music.. and i always like the story of withches en trolls andyeah when i was 9 i went listening to metal and i really liked it :3 always jump around :P now my father is a old weird man who is listen to stupid old music -__-'
Well the truth is I don't know when it was. I thyink that I always had a dark side. I found out to what extent when I was 4 years old. That was a very depressing year. I developed a crush on a 40 yer old man, finally got diagnosed, got into at least two fights a day and developed a hatred for a boy in my class. I never conformed to expected behavior, never did as I was told............still don't. I always had horrible, gruesome thoughts, homcdal thoughts (like I understod the criminal mind) and what could happen and how it was done. Very abnormal thoughts and behaviors all. But when facing death I never feared it and always embraced it even got turned on by it.
Funny eh? Weird eh?
When indeed.
Well the truth is I don't know when it was. I thyink that I always had a dark side. I found out to what extent when I was 4 years old. That was a very depressing year. I developed a crush on a 40 yer old man, finally got diagnosed, got into at least two fights a day and developed a hatred for a boy in my class. I never conformed to expected behavior, never did as I was told............still don't. I always had horrible, gruesome thoughts, homcdal thoughts (like I understod the criminal mind) and what could happen and how it was done. Very abnormal thoughts and behaviors all. But when facing death I never feared it and always embraced it even got turned on by it.
When I was little, about 4, I saw a Chuckie doll from Childs Play in a crane game. I had to have it. So, I cried until my mother had a friend win it for me. I carried it with me every where. I remember being a store and having it behind my back. An old lady said to her husband "Oh, look dear, she has a dollie." I smiled and showed her my "dollie".
When I was little, about 4, I saw a Chuckie doll from Childs Play in a crane game. I had to have it. So, I cried until my mother had a friend win it for me. I carried it with me every where. I remember being a store and having it behind my back. An old lady said to her husband "Oh, look dear, she has a dollie." I smiled and showed her my "dollie".
The question should be:when did u realise u had a good side...or no,good is not the word,ok,let's just say the bright?or anyways,the oposite of dark.lol
The question should be:when did u realise u had a good side...or no,good is not the word,ok,let's just say the bright?or anyways,the oposite of dark.lol
Well, I used to watch Dark Shadows with my grandfather, when I was a kid. I always felt "different," but never knew why. In Catholic school, I got into heavy metal (Kiss, Alice Cooper, etc.) and read Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, Dracula by Bram Stoker and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stephenson. I was quite rebellious. In college, red was one of my favorite colors. I wear black (especially lace and leather) whenever I can. I love death metal and darkwave. I started going to goth clubs a couple years ago.
Well, I used to watch Dark Shadows with my grandfather, when I was a kid. I always felt "different," but never knew why. In Catholic school, I got into heavy metal (Kiss, Alice Cooper, etc.) and read Frankenstein by Mary Shelley, Dracula by Bram Stoker and Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde by Robert Louis Stephenson. I was quite rebellious. In college, red was one of my favorite colors. I wear black (especially lace and leather) whenever I can. I love death metal and darkwave. I started going to goth clubs a couple years ago.
velvetkitten - I sure do! I even remember the add! They were the same consistency as the Pac Man things, sort of like Burger Rings but a little softer. I used to love BBQ shapes & couldn't wait till the end so I could kick my finger & dab it in the red shit at the bottom of the pack! I always said they should have just sold the red shit in a pack of its own! Ah, good times!
velvetkitten - I sure do! I even remember the add! They were the same consistency as the Pac Man things, sort of like Burger Rings but a little softer. I used to love BBQ shapes & couldn't wait till the end so I could kick my finger & dab it in the red shit at the bottom of the pack! I always said they should have just sold the red shit in a pack of its own! Ah, good times!
hmm this is kinda hard. I just think i was born with a dark side because i was bad from the get go. i did not listen or take orders. i fought alot and made problems whenever i wanted to. i idsobeyed everyone and everything. i am different now i still have a dark side but it is held back. My dark is my a personal thing now then showing everyone.
hmm this is kinda hard. I just think i was born with a dark side because i was bad from the get go. i did not listen or take orders. i fought alot and made problems whenever i wanted to. i idsobeyed everyone and everything. i am different now i still have a dark side but it is held back. My dark is my a personal thing now then showing everyone.
When I was 3 yrs. of age, my happiest memory, was my blood red velvet stroller...When I was 4 yrs.old, My aunt would baby sit me-a lot-and I would watch movies..particularly the same ones over and over again. My first obsession was snow white(the original one with people, instead of cartoon) There's a scene In the very beginning of that version that isn't in the "disney version" The death scene of snow white's mother. It was very sad. To me anyway..But i couldn't stop rewinding it and watching it over and and over again. I didn't know why, but I found some kind of pleasure from the feeling it brought upon me. Again- I was 4 years old. I got to the point where I would litterally lay down on the floor by the t.v. screen..and pretend I was dying!!! I was also obsessed with the scene in "the Lion King" where scar throws mufasa off the cliff..and simba go and finds his dad lying there -dead. same thing. One day my aunt caught me doing it..she was not happy... when I was 6 I got into my mom's unmarked vhs tape and popped one in. In this It showed an old cheesy porno of a woman licking whip cream off her man's rod...my sexual interest was unnatural..of course...(i think)When I was 7 & 8 Imy favorite "pretend" game was GARGOYLES!!!! And when the topic of animals cam up it was black panthers,snakes, and worms for me..Barbie??Dismembered..coloured with markers..and buried so my gaurdians wouldn't worry....(ha ha) .My first industrial band of interest-The One And Only: NINE INCH NAILS(which is still my fav to this day)........When I moved to tx. with my dad and my new step family I was exposed to things like "Evil Dead" "Army of Darkness" "Interview with a Vampire"..When I was 9 I often fantasized about Vampire sex...Blood..Biting..Submission...Death...It all captured me, engulfing me with this creative flow that felt better than my harsh reality. To wallow in the sad world of darkness made me feel GOOD,AT HOME, SATIFIED...When I went back to Cali(again), I was of course different...I was in middle school_the worst. That is where I found my goth pride. I began to relish in the tauntings, the smirks, the snyde remarks, the nicknames...and the fights..I went from "the wierd girl" the isolated quite artist/writer...to the leader of a middle school group of outcasts...it just happened! My dark fantasies turned into sexual urges..I pierced my nipples..my tongue...belly..ears...nose...it was great.. From childhood classics, to dark music, to horror movies and extreme life experiences...I lead the way to being myself. I like to make people feel nervous sometimes....but I have passion to and love...I am only 19 years old, but my old soul is still burning fire and flowing rivers across my mundayne youth. I am still everchanging, evertransforming and evergrowng....
IF YOU HAVE READ THIS FAR...CONGRADULATIONS... YOU NOW KNOW SOME THINGS ABOUT ME THAT MOST PEOPLE THAT KNOW ME PERSONALLY DO NOT...THANKS FOR NOT GETTING TOO BORED..
When I was 3 yrs. of age, my happiest memory, was my blood red velvet stroller...When I was 4 yrs.old, My aunt would baby sit me-a lot-and I would watch movies..particularly the same ones over and over again. My first obsession was snow white(the original one with people, instead of cartoon) There's a scene In the very beginning of that version that isn't in the "disney version" The death scene of snow white's mother. It was very sad. To me anyway..But i couldn't stop rewinding it and watching it over and and over again. I didn't know why, but I found some kind of pleasure from the feeling it brought upon me. Again- I was 4 years old. I got to the point where I would litterally lay down on the floor by the t.v. screen..and pretend I was dying!!! I was also obsessed with the scene in "the Lion King" where scar throws mufasa off the cliff..and simba go and finds his dad lying there -dead. same thing. One day my aunt caught me doing it..she was not happy... when I was 6 I got into my mom's unmarked vhs tape and popped one in. In this It showed an old cheesy porno of a woman licking whip cream off her man's rod...my sexual interest was unnatural..of course...(i think)When I was 7 & 8 Imy favorite "pretend" game was GARGOYLES!!!! And when the topic of animals cam up it was black panthers,snakes, and worms for me..Barbie??Dismembered..coloured with markers..and buried so my gaurdians wouldn't worry....(ha ha) .My first industrial band of interest-The One And Only: NINE INCH NAILS(which is still my fav to this day)........When I moved to tx. with my dad and my new step family I was exposed to things like "Evil Dead" "Army of Darkness" "Interview with a Vampire"..When I was 9 I often fantasized about Vampire sex...Blood..Biting..Submission...Death...It all captured me, engulfing me with this creative flow that felt better than my harsh reality. To wallow in the sad world of darkness made me feel GOOD,AT HOME, SATIFIED...When I went back to Cali(again), I was of course different...I was in middle school_the worst. That is where I found my goth pride. I began to relish in the tauntings, the smirks, the snyde remarks, the nicknames...and the fights..I went from "the wierd girl" the isolated quite artist/writer...to the leader of a middle school group of outcasts...it just happened! My dark fantasies turned into sexual urges..I pierced my nipples..my tongue...belly..ears...nose...it was great.. From childhood classics, to dark music, to horror movies and extreme life experiences...I lead the way to being myself. I like to make people feel nervous sometimes....but I have passion to and love...I am only 19 years old, but my old soul is still burning fire and flowing rivers across my mundayne youth. I am still everchanging, evertransforming and evergrowng....
IF YOU HAVE READ THIS FAR...CONGRADULATIONS... YOU NOW KNOW SOME THINGS ABOUT ME THAT MOST PEOPLE THAT KNOW ME PERSONALLY DO NOT...THANKS FOR NOT GETTING TOO BORED..
When I was 3 yrs. of age, my happiest memory, was my blood red velvet stroller...When I was 4 yrs.old, My aunt would baby sit me-a lot-and I would watch movies..particularly the same ones over and over again. My first obsession was snow white(the original one with people, instead of cartoon) There's a scene In the very beginning of that version that isn't in the "disney version" The death scene of snow white's mother. It was very sad. To me anyway..But i couldn't stop rewinding it and watching it over and and over again. I didn't know why, but I found some kind of pleasure from the feeling it brought upon me. Again- I was 4 years old. I got to the point where I would litterally lay down on the floor by the t.v. screen..and pretend I was dying!!! I was also obsessed with the scene in "the Lion King" where scar throws mufasa off the cliff..and simba go and finds his dad lying there -dead. same thing. One day my aunt caught me doing it..she was not happy... when I was 6 I got into my mom's unmarked vhs tape and popped one in. In this It showed an old cheesy porno of a woman licking whip cream off her man's rod...my sexual interest was unnatural..of course...(i think)When I was 7 & 8 Imy favorite "pretend" game was GARGOYLES!!!! And when the topic of animals cam up it was black panthers,snakes, and worms for me..Barbie??Dismembered..coloured with markers..and buried so my gaurdians wouldn't worry....(ha ha) .My first industrial band of interest-The One And Only: NINE INCH NAILS(which is still my fav to this day)........When I moved to tx. with my dad and my new step family I was exposed to things like "Evil Dead" "Army of Darkness" "Interview with a Vampire"..When I was 9 I often fantasized about Vampire sex...Blood..Biting..Submission...Death...It all captured me, engulfing me with this creative flow that felt better than my harsh reality. To wallow in the sad world of darkness made me feel GOOD,AT HOME, SATIFIED...When I went back to Cali(again), I was of course different...I was in middle school_the worst. That is where I found my goth pride. I began to relish in the tauntings, the smirks, the snyde remarks, the nicknames...and the fights..I went from "the wierd girl" the isolated quite artist/writer...to the leader of a middle school group of outcasts...it just happened! My dark fantasies turned into sexual urges..I pierced my nipples..my tongue...belly..ears...nose...it was great.. From childhood classics, to dark music, to horror movies and extreme life experiences...I lead the way to being myself. I like to make people feel nervous sometimes....but I have passion to and love...I am only 19 years old, but my old soul is still burning fire and flowing rivers across my mundayne youth. I am still everchanging, evertransforming and evergrowng....
IF YOU HAVE READ THIS FAR...CONGRADULATIONS... YOU NOW KNOW SOME THINGS ABOUT ME THAT MOST PEOPLE THAT KNOW ME PERSONALLY DO NOT...THANKS FOR NOT GETTING TOO BORED..
When I was 3 yrs. of age, my happiest memory, was my blood red velvet stroller...When I was 4 yrs.old, My aunt would baby sit me-a lot-and I would watch movies..particularly the same ones over and over again. My first obsession was snow white(the original one with people, instead of cartoon) There's a scene In the very beginning of that version that isn't in the "disney version" The death scene of snow white's mother. It was very sad. To me anyway..But i couldn't stop rewinding it and watching it over and and over again. I didn't know why, but I found some kind of pleasure from the feeling it brought upon me. Again- I was 4 years old. I got to the point where I would litterally lay down on the floor by the t.v. screen..and pretend I was dying!!! I was also obsessed with the scene in "the Lion King" where scar throws mufasa off the cliff..and simba go and finds his dad lying there -dead. same thing. One day my aunt caught me doing it..she was not happy... when I was 6 I got into my mom's unmarked vhs tape and popped one in. In this It showed an old cheesy porno of a woman licking whip cream off her man's rod...my sexual interest was unnatural..of course...(i think)When I was 7 & 8 Imy favorite "pretend" game was GARGOYLES!!!! And when the topic of animals cam up it was black panthers,snakes, and worms for me..Barbie??Dismembered..coloured with markers..and buried so my gaurdians wouldn't worry....(ha ha) .My first industrial band of interest-The One And Only: NINE INCH NAILS(which is still my fav to this day)........When I moved to tx. with my dad and my new step family I was exposed to things like "Evil Dead" "Army of Darkness" "Interview with a Vampire"..When I was 9 I often fantasized about Vampire sex...Blood..Biting..Submission...Death...It all captured me, engulfing me with this creative flow that felt better than my harsh reality. To wallow in the sad world of darkness made me feel GOOD,AT HOME, SATIFIED...When I went back to Cali(again), I was of course different...I was in middle school_the worst. That is where I found my goth pride. I began to relish in the tauntings, the smirks, the snyde remarks, the nicknames...and the fights..I went from "the wierd girl" the isolated quite artist/writer...to the leader of a middle school group of outcasts...it just happened! My dark fantasies turned into sexual urges..I pierced my nipples..my tongue...belly..ears...nose...it was great.. From childhood classics, to dark music, to horror movies and extreme life experiences...I lead the way to being myself. I like to make people feel nervous sometimes....but I have passion to and love...I am only 19 years old, but my old soul is still burning fire and flowing rivers across my mundayne youth. I am still everchanging, evertransforming and evergrowng....
IF YOU HAVE READ THIS FAR...CONGRADULATIONS... YOU NOW KNOW SOME THINGS ABOUT ME THAT MOST PEOPLE THAT KNOW ME PERSONALLY DO NOT...THANKS FOR NOT GETTING TOO BORED..
i used to burn the eyes out of dolls when i was six! i guess it was a reaction to my heavy duty catholic upbringing. i started reading occult books when i was 14. i morphed into a full blown goth when i was 15....i used to be very angsty back then!
i used to burn the eyes out of dolls when i was six! i guess it was a reaction to my heavy duty catholic upbringing. i started reading occult books when i was 14. i morphed into a full blown goth when i was 15....i used to be very angsty back then!
I realised I had a dark side around the time I read books in the library in primary school about the occult and ghosts similar to you, I was teased and feared for being different in high school as I would spend my lunch times painting horrific scenes (my art teacher thought they were beautiful) and listening to metal. I discovered my pervert side much younger. My mother always wondered why she had a child who would laugh and say "go harder mummy!" to her when she hit me with the wooden spoon for punishment. This freaked her out, I was four years old. They say some children should be swaddled in pink, some swaddled in blue but I was one who should have been swaddled in black leather at birth!
I realised I had a dark side around the time I read books in the library in primary school about the occult and ghosts similar to you, I was teased and feared for being different in high school as I would spend my lunch times painting horrific scenes (my art teacher thought they were beautiful) and listening to metal. I discovered my pervert side much younger. My mother always wondered why she had a child who would laugh and say "go harder mummy!" to her when she hit me with the wooden spoon for punishment. This freaked her out, I was four years old. They say some children should be swaddled in pink, some swaddled in blue but I was one who should have been swaddled in black leather at birth!
I always knew I had a dark side. I just didn't know what it was called. I remember being obsessed with vampires ever since I was little. I would pretend that I was a vampire or that a vampire would come in the night and make me his bride. Before I fell asleep, I would cross my hands across my chest and pretend I was sleeping in a coffin. Then once I knew about my dark side, I explored it and found out things about myself that I didn't even know were there.
I always knew I had a dark side. I just didn't know what it was called. I remember being obsessed with vampires ever since I was little. I would pretend that I was a vampire or that a vampire would come in the night and make me his bride. Before I fell asleep, I would cross my hands across my chest and pretend I was sleeping in a coffin. Then once I knew about my dark side, I explored it and found out things about myself that I didn't even know were there.
Well, I've been thinking and I realize I've always been like this. I've always loved horror movies and already as a child (about 6) I used to say I loved punks and that I would get myself some tattoos when I became a grown up, hehehe.
As a child I loved reading horror stories, and both me and my sister used to make up morbid funny stories that we laughed at until late at night. We found it funny when people got hurt and were always laughing like little devils. Our mother, being into astrology, used to say that it was only natural that we, both being scorpios, behaved like that, and she used to complain about her bad luck of having given birth to two of us, lol!
I've always been morbid, obscene and with an enormous sense of humour, so I guess I'm a combination of morbid with a wonderful lust for life and a great love of comedy.
I've never felt bad about myself for being like this, except for periods of crisis where I would have felt bad about myself anyway. I love being a little devil and I have lots of fun being me, and except for in this town I currently live in, I've never had any problems making friends or finding people to hang out with, even though I'm 'different'.
Here is a picture of the 'little devil', lol!
Well, I've been thinking and I realize I've always been like this. I've always loved horror movies and already as a child (about 6) I used to say I loved punks and that I would get myself some tattoos when I became a grown up, hehehe.
As a child I loved reading horror stories, and both me and my sister used to make up morbid funny stories that we laughed at until late at night. We found it funny when people got hurt and were always laughing like little devils. Our mother, being into astrology, used to say that it was only natural that we, both being scorpios, behaved like that, and she used to complain about her bad luck of having given birth to two of us, lol!
I've always been morbid, obscene and with an enormous sense of humour, so I guess I'm a combination of morbid with a wonderful lust for life and a great love of comedy.
I've never felt bad about myself for being like this, except for periods of crisis where I would have felt bad about myself anyway. I love being a little devil and I have lots of fun being me, and except for in this town I currently live in, I've never had any problems making friends or finding people to hang out with, even though I'm 'different'.
